In Defense of Mock Trial

Notes: I wrote the following article for the Osgoode Hall Law School student newspaper as a response to a flurry of criticism to a controversial school performance. The performance, one of a number of skits featured in the annual "Mock Trial" cabaret, featured simulated fellatio, and a number of other sexual themes. School administration was swiftly contacted, and organizers of "Mock Trial" were chastised. The debate over the merits of the performance, and whether future censorship would be required, raged on for over three weeks.

In Defense of Mock Trial

by Randy Ai

I have a disability. It’s genetic, so there’s not too much I can do about it. My doctor tells me that my chromosome five is abnormally short, and as a result I don’t have a sense of humour.

Having this disability is usually fatal in most societies. I’ve heard reports that in some island cultures, children born with this disability are actually thrown off cliffs, to the mirthful approval of the community. I think they did this in ancient Sparta as well, although this is still a point of debate among contemporary academics. In other societies, those born with this disability find it impossibly difficult to mate with the opposite sex. As a result, they usually relegate themselves to living in caves. Surprisingly however, my disability has never been an obstacle for me in Canada – thanks primarily to our culture of ultra-political sensitivity.

I’ve recently discovered that my disability is actually an advantage in many circumstances. By not being able to laugh, I have the luxury of finding offensive just about anything. Any mention of sexuality? Obviously sexist. Allusion to ethnicity? Obviously Racist. Satirical suggestion? Most definitely discrimination. I also find that most people are afraid to disagree with me. Those who are not, I usually like to portray as colonial supremacists. This usually does a good job of shutting them up.

Being able to point out offensive material has now become second nature. It’s a knee-jerk reaction that doesn’t really require any higher cognitive function. I no longer ask myself why I am offended, I am merely comforted by the fact that I am. And besides, I find it’s a great way to get people into trouble, and also to set the bar so incredibly high that people around me are perpetually afraid of what to say. I like it when people respect my values. I call it a subtle form of coercion.

My latest pet peeve are school performances. I really think they just aren’t funny anymore. I’ve sat through enough skits to know what’s offensive. And guess what? I’m always right. Dare to challenge me?

Frankly, I don’t care what a speaker intends when he expresses something. Nor do I really care that a piece of expression can have multiple interpretations. All I know is the effect of the expression on me. In short, all I know is what I feel. And guess what? My feelings are unassailable. My feelings are never wrong. It is impossible for them to be. Does this mean I have personal insecurities I should work through? Does this mean that I’m hurt inside because of past events totally unrelated to the present incident? That’s for me to decide. But I’ll tell you what: my right to be offended is paramount. I deserve it after all – allow me to cite my historic disadvantage for your reference.

I also don’t see the point in opening up lines of dialogue with those who have offended me. It’s much easier just to tell on them. I guess this is something I learned from elementary school. If I can’t deal with an issue, I seek higher authorities to resolve the problem for me. It makes me less accountable. In truth, I’m not sure if I’m in it to change the opinions of those who I think are offensive. I’m more interested in my own emotional catharsis. It’s easier to complain than to explain.

At the end of the day, I wish for the same thing that everyone else wishes for. I want to live and study in an atmosphere of civility and mutual respect. The only difference is that I can’t laugh about it.

© Randy Ai, 2008