The Meeting: A Social Ritual

by Randy Ai

[1] In life, it is a common occurrence for two people to schedule a time and place to meet. This is a common social ritual, and one practiced throughout the world.

[2] Earlier on in life, when we were school children, such meetings were more spontaneous. The conveniences afforded by proximity and the luxury of a free schedule made such meetings possible without much effort. Children meet and play together without ever having to trade email correspondences, engage in lengthy text-messaging, or even dialing the other’s telephone number.

[3] As we grow older, the nature of such meetings changes. As our busy schedules and family commitments become more central to our lives, the very act of meeting with a friend, a colleague or an acquaintance, becomes a ritualized practice, involving planning and scheduling, and sometimes requiring that either or both party travel great distances for the meeting to be consummated. Gone are the days of spontaneity.

[4] However, one inescapable element of this ritual is that the meeting may not work out. Despite the best planning, there is always a possibility that one or both parties may not show. Furthermore, there is a possibility that one or both parties may show, but may not find each other.

[5] Actually, the possibility that the meeting will not be consummated is an intrinsic element of the meeting itself. The very fact that two people are scheduling to meet at a certain time and certain place, carries the risk of failure.

[6] This is often a disappointing experience. However, one must realize that the disappointment is really a reflection of how much the parties value the meeting. If the meeting is not valued, there is no disappointment.

[7] The disappointment experienced when two parties fail to meet also acts as an incentive for reflection: one is inclined to realize at this point how precious a successful meeting between two people truly is. This may inspire the individual to appreciate times when both parties do show.

[8] A more controversial approach may be the adoption of a new attitude towards the social ritual of meetings. For example, when scheduling a meeting, you may not actually expect the other person to show. Simultaneously, you may not even expect yourself to show. Adopting this attitude may make the ritual more fluid, and less narrow in its definition.

[9] Finally, one should remember: anything that has the potential to build rapport, also has the potential to erode rapport – that is the nature of the world